hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
