it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
