I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
