just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
