Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
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But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
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I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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