if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
