Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
