So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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