I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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