What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
