were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
