1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize