my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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