After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
