Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Randomize
