you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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