i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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