i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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