My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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