Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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