what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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