I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
