hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
