you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
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Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
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You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
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