I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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