then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
