I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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