I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
