Umm I'm too high to move.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
i believe in u and ur pee
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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