Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
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