So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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