i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
