I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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