"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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