my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
