I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
