Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
