My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
