My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I deserve this hangover.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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