If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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