Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
