EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
