Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize
