YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
