I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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