I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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