I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
