I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
