I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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