she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
