Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
