It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
