so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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