My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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