But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
