giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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