but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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