I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
