He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
