At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
