Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I want to make a zoo with you.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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