So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
