I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
