no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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