i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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