I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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