No awkward lesbian experiences without me
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
