I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
