ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
