I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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