I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
