We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
