I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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