my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
