Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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