Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
