my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
