i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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