so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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