I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
