Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
