well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
