I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
