You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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