After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
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Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
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Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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