I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
