The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
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Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
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So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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