mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
