I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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