No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
