She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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