i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
