if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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