WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
